Iowa Radio Show Host Get’s Beat Up By His Own Dog [PHOTOS]

*Sarcasm Warning: If You Can't Handle A Bit Of Sarcasm, Close Out And Don't Read This Story*

I've said it once and I'll say it again...for the 10,000th time, no one on planet Earth gets hurt like I get hurt. I don't even get hurt very badly either, I just get these fairly massive (minor) injuries, that look like something really bad happened when in reality, I'm just a dumba**.

My one-time sweet, little, baby puppy, is no longer little. She's still sweet as can be, she'll always be my baby puppy, and our ferocious guard dog is so dangerous...she might lick you to death. The only difference is...she's my BIG little girl now.

Get our free mobile app

Winona Glidden is only a few days away from turning 7 months old and my wife and I decided that it was time to get her spayed. We have no interest in her having puppies and in the long run, it would be better for her long-term health. Some dog parents decide to wait for a year but after talking with Winona's vet, we all decided she was big enough and was ready for her big operation.

When her operation was done on Tuesday (February 27th), we were able to go pick her up the next morning. Despite Nona's best efforts, she's not allowed to run or jump for the next 10-14 days.

Most nights, we'll let Nona sleep in the bed with us. We never intended for it to happen that way but she's a bit of a cuddle bug and she likes laying down with her mom and dad. Here's where the good part of the story begins...

My dog punched me in the face.

Around 9:30 p.m. each night, I take Winona out to go to the bathroom one more time before she goes to sleep. She starts to get pretty tired around 8 and spends most of that hour and a half lying around and snuggling with her mom on the couch. Winona is like a little kid when it comes time to get up or move when she's in "nap" mode.

She hates getting up, she pretends she's asleep, and basically pouts when she has to do something when she's trying to nap. Fair enough...I know a lot of humans who are like this.

When it was time for bed, I picked Winona up off the couch to carry her into the room she normally sleeps in. Except...Winona and I struggled with getting her into a comfortable position to carry her in. As I brought her into the room, she was kind of upside down and I was hoping I could just quickly move her in there before she freaked out.  Of course, that's not what happened. She started flailing around and one of her recently trimmed toenails happened to hit me just above my eye.

*Here's where I'd insert an eye roll emoji if I could*

She now has me looking like Scar from The Lion King.

It'd be one thing if this scar on my eye was from a cool story, like saving a baby from a burning building or rescuing an old lady from a robbery. Nope. Not me. This scar is from my dog whooping my a**. At first, I didn't even really notice anything but after a few minutes, my eyelid had blood dripping down it and I knew was cooked. There was no way to hide this from the co-workers and their jokes at work the next day.

You can't make this stuff up. Winona -1, Dad - 0. I'll make sure to mark that down in the "Gabe Glidden vs Winona record book."

Don't worry, I got my revenge. Winona didn't want to wear a cone after her spay operation, so I made sure to get her this goofy outfit she has to wear for the next 11 days so she can't lick or rip at her stitches. The problem is...she doesn't care that much.