The Secret To A Happy Marriage

I was talking with a group of women one night about the typical evening. It was all the usual, like what time the kids finally go to bed, what time we parents finally go to bed, evening routines and the likes. And I realized something. My household is not unique.  With two kids, bedtime gets a bit rough, especially when I normally don't get home till closer to 8pm.  It's hard enough to get the two rowdy kids calmed down and in bed, let alone make sure homework and showers are done, and just try to keep some sanity after a long day when everyone is tired.  All parents have more or less been there, right?  And my boy wants Mommy to stay with him till he falls asleep.  So on a pretty average night, it's pretty close to 10 by the time all is quiet in the house.  Now what?

The group I was talking with expressed that at that point of night, they're just so tired that they go to bed, and thus, hardly get any spousal time.  As such, they've come to realize some of that "best friend" or closeness time has faded.  Some just write this off as, "yup, that's what kids will do to you."  For my wife and I, it's just another challenge to overcome, although it does have a price.

This is where the advice comes in.  I'm no expert, so take it or leave it.  It's just what works for us.

Our routine is simple.  Once the kids go to bed, we take our "device" time.  She catches up on e-mails, facebook, pinterest... I honestly don't know.  For me, I catch up on facebook, write a blog, or simply play Bubble Witch, my latest addiction.  After 10-20 min or so, there's usually something on the to-do list to conquer.  We try to keep it small and simple, and down to just one item.  Usually it's something I need to do.  In the meantime, we start warming the oven.  By 10:30/11pm-ish, its finally time to chill.  We have either a glass of wine or tea, and we have some kind of dessert.  (Usually it's the Tollhouse Turtle Supreme cookies... hence warming the oven).  As we enjoy our drink and dessert, we bond over a movie or show on Netflix.  It's all pretty simple.  And somewhere in all this, we do find time to catch up and share stories of our day.

As I said though, there is a cost.The downfall to all this is that we finally head to bed around midnight.  Ouch, right?  Not a ton of people I know can stay up till midnight on a regular basis, and still function.  I'll admit, it does take it's toll.  And again, it's why this plan doesn't work for everyone.  If we have a rare perfect night, and get the kids asleep by 8:30 or so, we could get in bed by 11:00p I suppose, However, we normally will just watch a whole movie then, or extra episode of whatever show.  Habits are hard to break.

The advice is not so much in the schedule however, as much as it is the commitment to a ritual that's all about couple time. It's having that special glass of wine and/or dessert.  It's about making time to watch a show or movie, just the two of you. It's the special kid free adult time every parent needs, with their spouse, to wind down their day, and reconnect.  I encourage you to find your ritual.  Have something else that works for you?  Feel free to share in the comments below.