I love you, you love me and the man behind Barney the Dinosaur now loves a whole bunch of women — intensely, graphically and as part of his daily business operations.

David Joyner, who played the iconic purple schoolyard pal between 1991 and 2001, told Vice in a pretty explicit new feature that he's now a "tantra massage specialist and spiritual healer" whose goal is to "fully release a woman’s blocked energy" for $350 a session.

“When you go down on a woman (orally), it should be just like you’re saying grace, like blessing the food you’re about to receive," he offered, describing just a fraction of his services. "No food in the world can compare to goddess nectar because spirit is involved. Before you taste the goddess nectar, give thanks. Say grace. I would love women to understand how powerful that energy is.”

Cool cool cool. Allow your inner-child to reflect.

Oh, and he's got some related musings about being Barney!

“Before I got into the [Barney] costume, I would pray and ask God to allow his loving divine spirit to flow through me through the costume and let that draw the kids. That energy would always draw them in,” Joyner said. “Children are more connected spiritually than [adults]. A lot of times when I see infants and I’m out and about at the grocery store or whatever, they start staring at me. I make the joke, ‘You know who I am.’”

And here's one more for the road:

“The energy I brought up [while] in the [Barney] costume is based on the foundation of tantra, which is love,” he said. “Everything stems, grows, and evolves from love. Even when you have emotionally blocked energy, the best way to remove it is to remove it with love, and then replace it with God’s divine love. Love heals and allows you to continue to grow.”

And now we must wonder: what the hell is Oscar the Grouch doing behind closed doors?

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