Zac Efron

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If you prefer watching people sit on a beach to actually sitting on a beach for Memorial Day weekend, there’s a new Baywatch movie in theaters today, starring Dwayne Johnson and Zac Efron. Though Baywatch endured in syndication for over a decade, it’s not like there was a massive fanbase out there begging for a big-screen version; the film, directed by Seth Gordon, is mostly a lighthearted sendup of the old series about heroic lifeguards.

One of the least funny running jokes in the new Baywatch movie — which is really saying something because there are a lot of unfunny running jokes in the new Baywatch movie — involves these lifeguards constantly inserting themselves into all sorts of situations that fall well beyond their jurisdiction. They refer to laughable old cases that have nothing to do with rescuing drowners, a nod to the old Baywatch TV show that serves as the film’s source material and chief target. But the case the takes up most of the film’s inexplicably expansive runtime (116 minutes! For a Baywatch movie!) is just as absurd, with the lifeguards trying to bring down a drug ring and real-estate swindle centered around their Southern California beach. Ha ... ha?